When you wake up every morning, what is your motive for getting out of bed?
What are you working for?
What are you living for?
What do you do anything at all for?
You see, as humans I believe we are naturally outcome focused. Our motivations to do anything are primarily based on an assumption that we will experience a positive outcome, or at least avoid a negative outcome, as a result of our actions.
We go to work, to make money, and to avoid defaulting on our financial obligations.
We work out to be fit and healthy while also hoping to avoid preventable illnesses and self-confidence issues.
I’m generalizing here, but I think you get the idea. Whether we know it or not, we tend to only take action when we can connect our actions to the expectation of the results of said action. The results may or may not come, however we at least know that there is a reasonable chance that a particular outcome may be actualized. Or another way of looking at it is that we rarely do things for the hell of it. There is always, always, ALWAYS a purpose.
I won’t go deep into the science here but this is essentially how dopamine works, it gives us the motivation to do things, in search of the high that is experienced once that thing is achieved. This is the mechanism behind both our passions and our addictions, our noble pursuits and our vices.
The key here is that expected outcomes is a vital element in the formula for possessing the motivation to take any sort of action.
The conventional approach to “success” is to first define a very clear objective or goal because a clear goal enables us to envision ourselves and our lives in vivid detail once that outcome is reached. And that vision, the mere thought of how great life will be once that objective is reached, gives us the motivation to push through pain, through discomfort, through suffering to reach our goals and bring our visions to life.
I have traditionally fallen into this school of thought, that having crystal clear understanding of your objective helps to develop the mental fortitude necessary for navigating through whatever discomfort is experienced throughout a journey or process.
But I’ve been toying around with a very dangerous thought lately. And the more I think about it, this idea actually has the power to convert an individual from simply being tough, committed, etc. to being absolutely UNSTOPPABLE.
Let me ask you this….. What if the journey stopped being a means to an end, and became the destination in and of itself?
What if being deep in the process, in a state of flow, was the real goal that we strived for rather than some sort of external outcome that may or may not be achieved?
What if we began to view all of the pain, the suffering, the discomfort of putting forth effort for self-betterment as the pinnacle of the human experience that motivate our actions?
As I think about this more and more, I realize that prioritizing and seeking out the discomfort of the growth and self-betterment process might just be the ultimate mind-hack.
I truly do believe that this is the sort of mindset shift that has the power to fundamentally change a person’s life. When suffering, discomfort, and being fully present in the process becomes a person’s reason for doing something, everything that typically would make a person quit now becomes what makes a person keep going.
I can say that I personally have not fully shifted into this mindset just yet. But I’m working on it. I still find myself attached to goals and outcomes. However, I have slowly been relishing in the unpleasantness of the various aspects of my life, and rather than trying to “just get through it,” I have been trying to see it as “this IS what I’m here for in the first place… the suffering, the struggle, the resistance that I am experiencing IS both the purpose and the destination.”
For example. The physical act of working out is not necessarily pleasant for me. Straining my muscles, exhausting my nervous system, feeling out of breath all are uncomfortable for me. But I’ve done all of these because I’ve seen it as a necessary means to maintaining my physique, and promoting my health. Yet, as I make this shift, my workouts are becoming less and less tied to a certain body fat percentage, or a certain amount of strength, and are now becoming a thing that I do because it simply is the goal. The physical and mental discomfort has transcended from being the means, and has become the reason.
I now work out because I seek out the struggle. Suffering IS the purpose of my working out.
With that said, it shouldn’t be surprising to know that my workouts have become significantly longer and more intense. They are no longer a means to an end. They are the main event.
I should also make it clear that suffering does not always imply physical or emotional pain. It manifests itself as discomfort of all sorts. Suffering, pain, struggle, resistance, discomfort.. whatever you want to call it, can come in the form of uncertainty, learning, stepping outside of one’s comfort zone, anxiety, scarcity, exploration, abstinence, self-restraint, patience, trying new things, etc.
The point is that, rather than viewing these things as necessary evils, view them as the goal; as the experiences you should be striving for.
Ironically it is in these experiences that you will realize the most growth as an unintended byproduct. It is in these experiences that you will become smarter, stronger, faster, wiser, more skillful, more emotionally grounded, etc. It is in these experiences that your life will become interesting and noteworthy memories will be created.
It is in these experiences which are traditionally viewed as a means to an end, that the joy and sadness, the pain and pleasure of life is actually manifested. Thus they are more than just a part of the process toward some arbitrary finish line. These experiences are in fact the goal. The journey is in fact the destination, and not simply a means to an end that should be shortcutted.
The process of advancing in your career is a form of suffering, because it comes with the discomfort of pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone, building your skills, and networking. None of these things are inherently easy or comfortable. But when you have the power to turn all of these elements into the reason for your doing, rather than the means to an end, you become virtually unstoppable.
Likewise, the process of eating better, working out, and becoming more physically fit is a form of suffering because it comes with the discomfort of physical resistance, self-restraint, etc. Sure it is extremely advantageous to have laser sharp clarity on the outcome of a much better life as a result of being in better shape. However, when relishing in the discomfort of working out and making uncomfortable lifestyle adjustments BECOMES the purpose of your actions, you truly do become unstoppable because you are no longer letting results on the scale or how you look in the mirror be your source of motivation.
With this sort of mindset shift there is no amount of discomfort that can be inflicted to make you quit because discomfort is your very purpose for doing the thing. In fact, any obstacle, any resistance is only pouring more fuel on the fire, as you are now getting more of what you showed up for in the first place.
But how does one shift into the mindset of embracing the struggle and of suffering being the goal rather than the means. So far, I’m leaning into the idea that discomfort can only truly become the goal when it has been attached to a greater meaning or significance.
For this I’ll turn to Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor and psychologist, who eloquently asserts in his book “Man’s Search for Meaning:”
“… there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death human life cannot be complete.”
Another interpretation of this is that instead of attaching your process, your journey, your struggle, to an end result, you should connect it to a greater meaning that extends beyond yourself. That is, your struggle, your embracing of discomfort, contributes positive karma to the universal fabric that will be received positively by others including your loved ones; your kids, your spouse, your parents, your close friends, etc.
The self-growth that you experience through any process will translate into actions, skills, and life work that positively benefits yourself, those close to you, and broader society in ways that you can neither measure or begin to understand.
You may or may not be able to draw direct connections between your struggles and someone else receiving that energy, however the laws of physics do apply, and for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
So next time you find yourself taking action and striving for some objective, be it small or major, take a moment to stop and disconnect from that outcome-oriented mindset. Try instead to shift into a mindset in which being fully present in the journey becomes the goal irrespective of outcome.
Doing this will make you truly unstoppable.